I’ve read a lot about “Psychological Safety” lately for my work with high performing teams based in Asia this fall. I’m curious about what “speaking up” and especially what “speaking up to authority” looks like in organizations and systems in the East where collectivist values are common. In reacquainting myself with the details of what psychological safety encompasses, I have been reading and rereading a lot of work by Amy Edmondson, a prolific researcher and scholar of this topic. Professor Edmondson suggests that to in order to foster psychological safety, leaders should try to take on the role of the “I Don’t Knower,” rather than always presenting themselves as the expert. She offers examples of successful organizational leaders who talk as much about what they don’t know as about what they do know. These leaders are exemplary listeners and learners. They are also high performers, they get results.

 

This made me reflect on how I dislike being an “I Don’t Knower.” I love “to know.” I love being able to answer a question, solve a problem, finish someone else’s sentence, offer wisdom, and give advice. I especially love (LOVE!) to be right. I am not proud of this quality and my family can be mighty annoyed by it, but I can acknowledge that it’s true of me. I also understand that my being “addicted to knowing” (as I’ve sometimes joked that I am) is not a great way to learn or to grow. So, I’m challenging myself to “not know” these days. I am trying to listen more than I talk and to ask more than to state. I am trying to be curious when I want to be judgmental. (Thank you, Ted Lasso.)

 

It is definitely not easy and I have made only modest strides in some small instances. But, I am trying. It helps that I keep company with someone who humbles me on the regular- my 16-year-old son. Recently, I was talking to Mateo about how important it is to get enough sleep. I explained how research shows that adequate rest improves mood, reduces anxiety, fuels performance in school and in sports, and even makes it easier to make and keep friends.

 

I told him about everything I had read on the topic and then asked enthusiastically, “Isn’t that great? Research says we should sleep eight hours at night, take naps as often as we can and not feel guilty about it.”

 

He just looked at me.

 

“Isn’t that great?” I repeated.

 

“What?” he asked.

 

“What I just said,” I told him, looking at him quizzically, “Isn’t that great about the sleep research?”

 

He sighed at me. “Mom, I stopped listening to you several minutes ago. You were going on and on and on. I started thinking about something else.”

 

Um, yeah. (Mateo is also the person who told me “Mom, ice breakers are cringe.” See below for an article that proves HIM right on that one.)

 

I offer these thoughts in the hopes you might join me in trying to be an “I Don’t Knower” sometimes. Given that you are all graduate students at Columbia University, you are undoubtedly smart, driven and high performers. You are motivated to excel and to achieve. So, I suspect you might struggle at times, as I do, to “not know.” I invite us all to allow ourselves to be learners, to embrace being curious, and to be open to all that we don’t know and have yet to learn from each other, in the classroom and in our community. I am going to keep trying to listen more and to close my mouth when I am “going on and on and on.” At least, I will some of the time. Here’s to not knowing and learning from that! 

Who knew the "Fun Fact" was such a poor ice breaker? Read here for why this is one to be avoided. 

 

Recently in our Group Dynamics course, we had a good discussion about the pros and cons of being friends with your boss. Read here for more cautions about blurring the role boundaries at work.